You wake up to egg yolks glopping down your windows. Those damn kids. What, with inflation and increasing grocery prices, they’re just throwing their allowances down the drain on wasted breakfast?
Peering through a yellow-streaked window pane you see your mailbox smashed to smithereens. But Home Depot is probably packed with last-minute giant-glowing-eyed-skeleton buyers; better to stay away today. The long white ribbons of toilet paper, stretched and twisted over your home, make you think, “Trick’s on those kids. Now I’m stocked for the next lockdown.”
And then you take a deep breath, a long inhale, of weed. And you remember: Halloween is awesome when you’re stoned.
Just think about how much better candy tastes (especially candy corn) when you’re high. How ominous black cats become far more cuddly. How much more tolerable it is to listen to The Monster Mash. How there’s a flame to light your joint in every jack-o-lantern on every lawn! And how no one will be able to see your bloodshot red eyes behind your Squid Game mask this year.
Yes, cannabis is the treat to Halloween’s trick. And one key trick to the perfect stoner’s Halloween is streaming the right movies for a satisfyingly wicked experience. Here is our list of our top 6 Halloween Movies for stoners in 2021:
Best Halloween Movies/Shows for Stoners & Where to Watch:
1. Cabin in the Woods
Where to watch: Streaming free on Peacock
For starters, this is one of the few horror movies out there that actually reps pot-smoking. In one of the first scenes, we’re introduced to the character Marty who is smoking a giant metal collapsable bong while driving.
After being criticized by his friends, Marty explains, “Statistical fact: cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees farther than they, and he will bind them with ancient logics.”
This movie follows college students who travel to a secluded cabin where they have to deal with zombies while scientists exploit the students from an underground lab.
The scientists intoxicate the students with mind-altering drugs that inhibit rational thinking and increase libido. These are quite relatable sensations to us stoners. Luckily we don’t have to deal with the spooky zombies that the students encounter in their stay in the woods.
SPOILER ALERT: The film ends with the two remaining characters sharing a joint while awaiting their fate. The temple they're in collapses and a huge hand rises from the ground, wrecking the cabin while the world ends. At least they got to smoke some weed though!
2. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Where to watch: Streaming free on Hulu
Sexuality and music are a fantastic pairing for cannabis users. And that’s what you get with The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a spooky Cult Classic, unlike any other Hollywood film you may have seen.
Murder, seduction, and a mad scientist (who happens to be a transvestite) make for a wickedly contagious film filled with dancing and rock music. As the longest-running theatrical release in film history, it’s no wonder that the movie is screened in movie theaters year after year due to high demand.
This film definitely has the perfect amounts of weird and entertaining to satisfy all your stoner Halloween desires.
3. Beetlejuice
Where to watch: Streaming (for a few bucks) on Amazon Prime and Apple TV
A comically creepy masterpiece, ideal for the perfect high Halloween experience, Beetlejuice delivers the giggles and the scares in a most unique way. The film’s creator, Tim Burton, is synonymous with Halloween as he is a master of concocting macabre and hilarious cinema.
After driving their car off a bridge, a married couple plunge to their death and become an entertaining pair of naive ghosts who have to deal with the rambunctious entity of Beetlejuice.
Beetlejuice is the perfect Halloween-night film to get those philosophical stoner conversations about death going.
4. Us
Where to watch: Streaming free on Hulu
This film is creepy genius. Created by Jordan Peele of “Key and Peele” fame (a great everyday stoner show), this spooky tale focuses in on a family being terrorized by their identical-looking, blood-thirsty counterparts.
From funhouses to doppelgängers, to giant pairs of menacing scissors, this movie has all the entrancing elements to satisfy every stoner seeking a Halloween rush.
Although it will likely frighten you, don't worry: weed is one of the best fear repellants out there!
5. Young Frankenstein
Where to watch: Streaming free on Amazon Prime
Trust us, we’re not turned on by old black-and-white movies from the 70’s either. Usually. Young Frankenstein is different. This comedy horror film is hilarious and timeless. Basically a parody on the classic Frankenstein, you will not regret lighting up a joint and indulging in this laughter-inducing film.
And who can resist a happy ending? One of the film’s main character’s, Elizabeth, falls in love with the main monster due to his “enormous schwanzstucker”.
6. Nightmare Before Christmas
Where to watch: Streaming free on Disney Plus
To round off our list of the Top Stoner Halloween Movies of 2021, we must give another nod to King of Halloween Tim Burton and his bewitching Nightmare Before Christmas movie.
A combination of trippy claymation, ear-worm music, an enticing love story, and absorbing spooky visuals makes this film a must-stream for stoners on Halloween.
If only the world was really like the movie’s setting Halloween Town. Then you could smoke pot and watch great Halloween movies all year!
Essential Equipment for a Perfect Stoner's Halloween
To help you achieve the right high before indulging in these stoner's choice Halloween movies, we recommend checking out these terrifically wicked products from MJ Arsenal to really set the mood!
MJ Arsenal Spellbinder LE Mini Bong
MJ Arsenal Limited Edition Rip'r Blunt Bubbler
MJ Arsenal Spellbinder Mini Rig
